Love and Lobster Coastal New England Weddings

As Nick and I plan our wedding, (Oct. 6, 2012!), my mantra has been “Keep it simple, keep it us.” Not a mantra in a “sitting cross-legged on the floor with incense” kind of way, necessarily, but more in a “magazine shoot-worthy décor is not happening so let it go” kind of way.

So I wasn’t sure in the beginning that we’d have a bridal party. Not that I saw it as a complication, per se, I just figured it was one wedding tradition we could skip to streamline the ever-growing To Do list. I knew all the people I cared about most would be there, and it didn’t really matter whether they were standing next to us or sitting behind us. Or so I thought.

Plus, many of the members of our inner circle are plenty busy just living life, going to work, taking classes and raising kids without having bridal showers and bachelorette parties to plan. I don’t think that would have weighed heavily on me if I’d gotten married a bit younger, but when you and your pals are hovering around the 30 mark, there’s less flexibility in your schedule for these things. Case in point: Hangovers now burn up the better part of a day, or, ahem, two — not something that can be overlooked when planning bachelor and bachelorette festivities.

But then… I stopped to imagine the big day. I pictured a flawless setting, warm atmosphere, and my ideal state of mind. I saw Nick’s face, our parents in the front row and, ok fine, my hair striking a perfect balance of effortlessness and elegance that probably is not possible to achieve in real life. Then I pictured my twin sister, Denise, sitting in the rows with everyone else. And I will tell you, it was not right. There was a big, empty imaginary hole right beside me where she was supposed to be.

So there went the “no bridal party” decision out the window. We could have opted to have only a best man and matron of honor, but then… I pictured asking my dear friend Ruth to be one of my bridesmaids. Now, Ruth will explode in a smiley, clappy burst of genuine excitement when we ask to crash at her house on visits home to Bangor. She’s like Kristen Wiig’s character Sue, the one who can barely contain the crazy at the prospect of a surprise party, but socially appropriate and also sane. Could I miss out on her reaction to asking her to stand next to me on the big day? No, no I could not. And it was everything I hoped for.

I also asked Nick’s younger sister to join the party. Not just because she’s family, but also because I’ve come to consider her a friend. She shares Ruth’s capacity for finding and expressing pure joy in other people’s happiness, and you just can’t have enough of that joyful energy on your wedding day. I know she’ll add so much fun to the main event and all the little steps leading up to it.

Now, I’ve got one more gal on my list to ask. She’s a friend with a searing wit and, somehow at the same time, utterly sweet personality. We went through a stretch recently of not seeing each other as much as I’d like, so I was a little hesitant to ask her. Are we close enough? Are we not? Would she want to? But I’ve come to realize that I really want her up there with us, and my hang-ups kind of pale in comparison. So I’ll keep it simple, and pop the question.

Read the previous posts in Jackie’s wedding planning series:

The proposal