Love and Lobster Coastal New England Weddings

Last week, we dove into the dos and don’ts of thank you card etiquette. Now that we’ve covered how to express appreciation for wedding gifts, we’ll get to the goods themselves.

How long do guests have to give a gift? Is it kosher to ask for money? What if it’s not the couple’s first trip down the aisle? Here are some answers to gift-giving FAQs:

Do guests have up to a year to send a gift?

Technically, the rule of thumb is yes, but six months is generally more accepted. In other words, send the toaster or monogrammed towels before the newlyweds have finished mailing out their thank you cards.

How much should be spent on a wedding gift?

First remember that wedding gifts are customary, but not mandatory. The gift-giver’s budget determines the price, but a rough guideline is $50 to $250, depending on the giver’s relationship to the couple (the lavishness of the event should play no role). For destination weddings where guests are footing the bill for travel expenses, it’s acceptable to cut back on the gift amount.

Should invitees who can’t make the wedding still send a gift?

Yes, the gift is meant to commemorate the couple’s happy occasion, regardless of whether the invitee attends the festivities.

Are cash gifts acceptable?

Yes, and they’re often welcomed. Rather than handing an envelope to the bride or groom, look for the best man or someone else whom the couple has designated to collect gifts of money.

Can I bring the gift to the wedding?

Avoid it, especially if you’re toting something unwieldy, like a 7 lb. Kitchenaid mixer or expansive wall hanging. Rather than force couples to collect and haul gifts home, ship your item to them directly a few weeks before the wedding.

Do the same rules of etiquette apply for second (or third or fourth) marriages?

Gifts for first-time brides are standard, even if her husband-to-be has been hitched before. They’re customary, but not required, for second and subsequent marriages.

Settling on a date for your wedding can prove a daunting task (just ask Maine transplant Jen Pepper). But even after you’ve decided — and letter-pressed the invitations — life can still tie your wedding day up in knots.

Meet Carrie Biggar, who was addressing her save the date cards when a double-booking bomb threatened to derail her wedding day. Carrie and her fiancé Matt had decided on Oct. 2, 2010 as the date for their fall wedding, after learning that Matt’s maternal grandparents had wed on the same day years prior. Matt was close with his grandfather, who had sadly passed away, but his grandmother would hold the special honor of being the eldest family representative at their wedding.

Then the phone rang, just as Carrie was on her way to try on dresses for the first time. It was Matt, saying the owner of the farm where they planned to marry had called to inform the couple they were double booked. So Carrie and Matt had to choose: Keep the date of historical significance or choose another venue?

Bride Kathryn Andrews faced a similar unwelcome development. After setting a date for July 4, 2009, Kathryn learned her brother, an infantry officer with the U.S. Army, would be spending her wedding day on a deployment (not his first) to Iraq. Her brother shipped out, and Kathryn and her fiancé pushed ahead with their plans to marry at her childhood church in Cape Elizabeth, Maine, followed by a reception at her parent’s home.

Ten days before the big day, Kathryn stopped by her parent’s house. To her shock, she was greeted by a seven-foot-tall man, dressed in full combat gear, standing in the guest room. After the initial shock wore off, Kathryn realized it was actually a cardboard cutout of her brother, which he’d sent from the front lines as a wedding present.

The cutout made its way into a few wedding photos, as well as into the memories of many of the couple’s guests that day. Kathryn’s brother has since returned home.

And what about Carrie and Matt? They, too, got a happy ending. After discussing their date conflict with grandma and getting her blessing, the couple moved the date to Oct. 16, managing to keep not only their venue but also the photographer they’d booked.

So if a date dilemma rears its ugly head as you plan your wedding day, stay calm. You’ll still live happily ever after.

Calling all ladies with ugly, dated, ill-fitting or otherwise unwanted bridesmaid’s dresses in their closets (in other words, just about every adult woman). The Dessy Group, outfitter to bridesmaids everywhere, will take those gowns off your hands and put a discount for a new little black dress right back in them.

Dessy’s just-launched NewlyMaid program breaks down to four steps:

1. Pluck an old bridesmaid or special occasion dress from your closet. NewlyMaid will accept dresses from most bridal brands (including mother of the bride and prom dresses) in good condition, meaning no tears or stains and with functional zippers and clasps.

2. Mail the dress to NewlyMaid. Order a complimentary mailer and send in your old dress.

3. Get a discount. If your dress is up to snuff, NewlyMaid will send you an email notification that it’s been accepted and inform you of a 30%-50% credit towards a purchase of a new “any occasion” dress.

4. Buy a dress you’ll actually wear. Browse NewlyMaid’s collection online for the perfect little black dress.

What happens to your old dress?

1.     Some are broken down and used to create new yarn that will be incorporated into future NewlyMaid gowns.

2.     Other garments are donated to organizations that distribute them to those in need.

So you can snag a chic dress on the cheap, make space in your closet, help the environment, and contribute to charity all in one fell swoop. Sounds like a solution that’s tailor “maid.”

Nestled between the coastal beach towns of Wells and York, Maine, is Ogunquit. Named by the Micmac Indians “Beautiful Place by the Sea,” Ogunquit boasts excellent cuisine, shops, art galleries and beaches. In the summer you will often spot a classic red trolley ringing its bell as it transports vacationers around town. These darling trolleys are available to tote around your bridal party or wedding guests, too, as owner Dave Chaves tells us on this week’s Inside Peek.

L&L: When did your trolleys first hit the streets of Ogunquit?

TROLLEY: In the summer of 1981 Molly Corporation started the Trolley Route and ran 4 Trolleys through the streets of Ogunquit for the tourist season, providing enjoyable and convenient transportation for our summer guests. Now, many years later, we run 9 Trolleys (Dolly, Golly, Holly, Jolly, Lolly, Molly, Polly, Rolly and Wally) and also do Trolley rentals for special events.

L&L: During summertime in Ogunquit, your trolleys can be see almost anywhere you look.  Do you have a favorite spot you like for tourists to see?

TROLLEY: Going into Perkins Cove for the first-time visitor is a delight. Also, taking people into the beach and through Ogunquit Center is fun, not only during the summer but also during the glorious days of fall. The Ogunquit Playhouse is also a favorite.

L&L: When did your trolleys first make an appearance at a wedding?

TROLLEY: I believe it was during 2003, the year that I purchased the business.  We have done hundreds of weddings since then as well as rehearsal dinners, anniversary celebrations, ‘girls’ night out’ events, etc.

L&L: What are some of the ways couples are incorporating a trolley into their big day?

TROLLEY: Many of our clients have out of town guests who do not know their way around town or its surroundings and they ask us to provide safe, dependable and courteous shuttle transportation between the hotels, Church and reception venue. In addition to providing the camaraderie of a shared experience, wedding parties often stop for photo opportunities along the scenic shores of southern Maine. We also have decorated the trolleys for wedding pictures and have had banners announcing the newlyweds proudly displayed along the sides of the trolley. We transport family members and guests at the end of the evening and also take guests wishing to continue the celebration on post-reception pub crawls. It allows us to serve as a “designated driver” for those attending the reception and we can be “on call” all evening.

L&L: Can a couple rent a trolley in areas outside of Ogunquit?

TROLLEY: We have provided special event charter service from Kittery to Lewiston. We have also done a number of charters in the greater Portland area.

L&L: What is your most memorable wedding you have worked and why?

TROLLEY: Actually, our most recent memorable charter wasn’t a wedding but rather a 65^th wedding anniversary. The couple wanted to relive their memories in Ogunquit and the special part that the trolleys have played in their lives over the years. Watching the light in their eyes as memories flooded back was unforgettable. We were blessed to be a part of their most special day.

L&L: What “must-see” places and eateries do you suggest folks from out of town check out while visiting coastal Maine?

TROLLEY: We are fortunate to have a number of fine restaurants that advertise with us (e.g., Jonathan’s, Jackie’s Two, Barnacle Billy’s, Beachfire) and we believe in the quality and customer satisfaction they provide. Our drivers stand ready to respond to any inquiries regarding the best places to eat. Also, anyone wanting to enjoy a pleasant museum experience should check out the Ogunquit Museum of American Art.  We also feel that the Ogunquit Chamber of Commerce is a best bet.

L&L: Thank you for giving us an inside peek into the Ogunquit Trolley Company. If readers want to get in touch with you to inquire about your availability, what is the best way for them to reach you?

TROLLEY: We would suggest that they check our website at ogunquittrolley.com.  Our email address is:  ogunquittrolley@maine.rr.com In addition, we can be reached by phone: (207) 646-1411 or (207) 251-4531.

We would be happy to provide Love and Lobster readers with a 10% discount on all wedding charters.

Thank you, Dave and Ogunquit Trolley!

Credits (clockwise from top middle): Sesame Letterpress, Kelly Sweet, OnceWed DIY, Ozzy Garcia, Tessa Kim, emilie inc., Sarah K Chen, Junebug Weddings

Countless traditional wedding rites have become optional in the modern age — holding the ceremony in a church, the bride changing her last name, that whole “serve and obey” bit in the vows. But if there’s one tradition that’s a must, it’s sending thank you cards.

The etiquette surrounding thank you cards can stump even the most gracious newlyweds. How long do you have to send them? What should they say? A Facebook message won’t cut it, right?

Here’s the lowdown on thank you card decorum:

How long you have

Perhaps you’ve heard you can take up to one year to send out thank you cards. That’s fine — as long as you don’t mind ticking off your guests and spending the first year of your married life fretting about getting them done. Most experts suggest waiting no longer than three months (but the sooner the better) after your wedding.

It’s best to send thank yous when you begin receiving gifts — even if those toasters and candle holders arrive prior to the wedding — and especially if you’re inviting a lot of guests. For the same reason, many etiquette experts suggest setting a goal to write a certain number of cards a day to avoid thank you card burnout. Avoid delays by ordering your thank you cards with your wedding invitations. And if you do get behind, it’s better to send them late than never.

Bridal shower notes should be sent separately, within two weeks.

Who gets one

Anyone who gave you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, including money and charity donations. (Write individual notes to those who pitched in for a group gift.)

Etiquette guru Emily Post also suggests thanking key people who helped pull off your big day, including your attendants, officiant, anyone who housed or entertained your guests, and anyone who hosted a party or shower in your honor. Also show gratitude to suppliers and vendors who go above and beyond.

Ahem, these rules apply even if you’ve already thanked these folks personally, telephonically or electronically.

What to say

Pre-printed cards with only your signature are a big no-no; each card should personally recognize the giver’s generosity. Word the note as from either the bride or the groom, but reflect both of your thanks. For example, “Michael and I were so glad to catch up with you at our reception…”

Here’s a basic blueprint suggested by Wedding Paper Divas: offer a handwritten greeting, express thanks, say something specific about the gift, and thank the person(s) for attending your event (or for thinking of you if they couldn’t make it).

Try to note how you plan to use the gift, i.e. “We think of you every time we blend up a smoothie” or “The bath towels really brighten up our mornings.” If you didn’t like the gift, never indicate that you plan to return/regift/trash/throw darts at it. Simply thank the gift giver.

For cash gifts, the same rules apply, but mentioning the amount is optional. Avoid wording like “That 200 bucks will really cut into our outstanding florist bill,” and instead shoot for something along the lines of “Your generosity will help us furnish our new home.”

Double check to make sure the person you’re addressing the card to did in fact give the gift you’re thanking them for, and that you’ve spelled their name correctly. Writing thank you cards as you open each gift can help avoid this potential mortification.

Last but not least, refer to any special effort the person made, such as traveling a long distance to attend the ceremony or energetically leading the conga line at the reception.